Can I at least go ONE DAY without drawing blood, that's all I ask anymore

[kjorteo]

The year is 2019. The world is a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and the last survivors of humanity gather in shabby run-down towns that dot the irradiated landscape. The crowds are rough, the terrain rougher. Many wasteland warriors spend their time in the dingy bars and seedy watering holes, but none is more instantly recognizable at a glance than Celine, the Shredded One.

Marred from head to toe, her body carrying more scar tissue than untouched flesh, each of the hundreds if not thousands of lines etched painfully into her frame tells a story of battles and bloodshed from long ago.

"This one," she says, after catching you stare, "is from the time I caught my leg on a coffee table. And this one is from the time I tried to open an envelope and cut myself. And this one is from the time I tried to open a pack of folders and cut myself. And this one is from the time I tried to open an orange and cut myself. And this one is from the time I tried to walk through a doorway and missed. And this one is from the time I tripped over a rock. And this one

Comments

[chalcedony_starlings]

^βYou need some healing factor or something. o..o

[penguinmayhem]

Yeah I know that feel all too well.

Let me tell you about the scar I still have off the time I somehow managed to almost cut my own finger off slicing bread like how did that happen excuse me????

Also why is it always multiple fucking things in a row it's never ONE little bump nope.

[kjorteo]

I cut myself on an orange peel.

And no, I don't mean I cut myself with a knife because my hand slipped while I was using a knife to peel an orange. I mean I had gotten past that step and got it started, set the knife down, started taking the rest off with my bare hands, and somehow gave myself the equivalent of a papercut on the damn rind itself.

It was built-in insult and injury all in one, because it was equal parts "Of all the stupid things" and "AAAA CITRUS FRUIT ON A CUT."

[chalcedony_starlings]

^αWait, I totally thought you meant a knife by that one

because knives are normal to cut fruit with so of course that would mean you accidentally nicked yourself with the knife

um. are you okay

[kjorteo]

See, that's how a normal person would cut themselves peeling an orange. But noooo.

[davidn]

The knife was what I was expecting as well - I'm not sure how an orange peel can injure someone unless there was a snake in it.

[kjorteo]

Apparently if it's thick and sturdy enough and a piece peels at a sufficiently sharp angle, you can papercut yourself on a citrus fruit.

I do not recommend this experience.

[xyzzysqrl]

Today we got some new baking sheets, which came with weird, thick, sticky glue on the underside of the cardboard adhered to the top.

I pulled out a clump of arm hair by absentmindedly leaning the card against my arm a minute.

(Sqrlmog: ..."Y'know If I keep doing this, I can save a bundle on hair remov--"
Woof: "Super No.")