Kjorteo's Spam Cartoons

[kjorteo]

A long time ago, there was Spamusement, a site about taking subject lines from spam emails and turning them into cartoons. There was a forum with people making their own, and I participated! For hosting, I kept all of mine in my own LiveJournal scrapbook.

Today, I was talking to birdlooke about something and that somehow came up. I was just going to link him to my scrapbook and be done with it, but it turns out that LiveJournal changed the formatting in a way that completely wrecks the spam cartoon format. (Most heinously, it thumbnails everything, which basically spoils it. The point of a good spam cartoon is that you're supposed to see the subject line first, so that you can then be surprised and amused by the answer to "where is the author going to go with this?")

I realized that these were so old that a lot of my newer friends and loved ones I hadn't yet met at the time might not have seen them! And even those of you who were around back then, maybe you don't remember them? Anyway, I felt it necessary to make this post, wherein I dig up all my old spam cartoons from back when I made them. Some of them are actually still pretty good!

Legend:
Bold entries are the ones I still really like even now--if you're not going to go through the entire collection, then take them as a best-of highlight reel.
Italic ones are saucy. None of them are outright pornographic or anything (I never actually drew visible genitalia on anything, at least ... well, okay, once but it was pixel censored) but some of them come a bit close, or at least reference some highly lewd and risque subject matter. My more innocent followers should proceed with extreme caution.
Bold Italic are both. (They are naughty, but awesome.)

And now, the complete collection of Kjorteo's spam cartoons, from back when he actually did these!

1. busty teen masturbates outside
   
2. No side effects because it's HERB
   
3. Since the early childhood I was called an ugly duckling. When I became a teenager,
   
4. Buy the Patek Philippe watch and know everything about time!
   
5. CH0OSE Y0UR DESTINY! :))
   
6. SEXUALLY - EXPLICIT: toppedg I6g8TOckjzk
   
7. Trick Mother Nature!
   
8. feisty asian dragons sexual champion wrestling
   
9. The newest Darkest fantasies enter the reality and sweet hotties get hunted down and .
   
10. take a look at your future body
    
11. Rock hard erections - Erections like steel
    
12. Erections are still possible Bridget
    
13. You cum very quickly and without any control!
    
14. Your wife has to cheat on you because of your
    
15. 83N
    
16. ASSISTANCE!!! ASSISTANCE REPLY ME IMMEDIATELY
    
17. Refinnace your loan, self-blind
    
18. An Alfred Hitchcock
    
19. I think it is finally time
    
20. Hi, oil shark
    
21. The journalists think that it is safe to cook
    
22. Fuckalot with our drugs!
    
23. Nipples Defense
    
24. Japanese Spanish follows
    
25. genuine artifacts
    
26. bish
    
27. П Р И В О Р О Ж У
    
28. The world of affluence is now closer!
    
29. I just started having sex, and my boyfriend keeps popping out when we do it.

Comments

[xyzzysqrl]

The scrabble callback got me. Very, very nice.

Also '83N' nearly made me choke on fruit juice. Very applause.

[kjorteo]

I remember, back when I was actually creating and submitting these, I had expected people to get a kick out of the Scrabble King callback but it largely fell flat. People either had forgotten the original and didn't recognize who those characters were, or they did but just didn't think it was all that funny.

Having remembered that experience, I had sort of mentally filed those two cartoons away in the "well, these ones weren't my best work, but I'm uploading the entire complete collection so I guess that means them too" pile, but you're now the second person (after someone I was talking to on IM) who saw this post and specifically pointed out and appreciated that callback. Well, then. Vindicated by history, I guess?

Probably something to do with getting to see them all in one sitting (rather than the days or weeks between me making them back in the day,) if I had to guess.

[xyzzysqrl]

If you were posting them on a forum devoted to such things, it's possible the reference got lost in a shuffle of other strips, other people's characters, people who never saw the original, etc.

It's a focus difference, I suppose. Things that play well in serial format may not play well as a long marathon, and v/v.

[davidn]

I had seriously remembered "I think it is finally time" as one of the ones by the Spamusement author - that's fantastic :) And yes, 83N is the best for taking just three characters of prompt and doing something so inspired with them!

I have a list of titles for these that I'd intended to use for my drawing practice - that's something else I should be doing...

[kjorteo]

That's a CRT monitor in "I think it is finally time"! God, if that doesn't date how old these are ... but yes, it has aged quite well aside from that, and I'm glad you still enjoy it :) (And that I was able to get credit for it back from whatever had happened to your memory, there!)

At its prime, there was a clear art (both from the original Spamusement author and all the guest contributors) to seeing just where one could go given the prompt--it's why seeing the subject first is so important to the delivery. "No side effects because it's HERB" was the first time I was proud of myself for having come up with the clever twist meaning of HERB that the spam emailer obviously hadn't intended, but I always loved when I was able to do something creative and clever like that.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

My sides are genuinely hurting from laughter right now, especially with the Scrabble King getting his comeuppance. 83N took me a minute to get, but once it sank in...Oh lord. XD

[raptorianone.livejournal.com]

Props for the Guilty Gear reference

[crassadon.livejournal.com]

Isn't Spamusment still a place that exists. . ?